She's mocked Sharon Stone live on stage during an AIDS fundraiser -- with Stone in the audience. She's pointed out to Howard Stern how ugly Ethan Hawke's gotten ("have you seen his gnarly teeth?"). She's even spread rumors about universally adored child star Dakota Fanning entering rehab while working the red carpet. Nobody's as fearless at ripping into celebs as comedienne Kathy Griffin -- and that's why we love her. But what happens when Griffin runs into a star she's just shredded onstage at the local supermarket? What do they say? Is she ever threatened with legal action? And where does she get the balls to do what she does in the first place?
You make a living making fun of celebrities. Sometimes you can be really harsh, and that's usually when it's the funniest. But are there ever times where you've felt especially bad after ripping on someone, to the point where you really regret it later?
It's really weird, because that happens all the time, and yet I can't seem to stop myself. I used to say "OK, no cancer jokes, no AIDS jokes." But let me tell you something: Nobody makes a better fucking cancer joke than someone who has it. I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard. So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits. So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it.
Speaking of personal lives, you mention in one episode that you dated a midget, but you don't go into detail. I want to know the whole story, and was he a midget or a dwarf?
He was a midget. A dwarf is someone with a really short body and big giant head, and a midget is all in proportion, so they basically look like kids. The guy I dated was proportioned, if you know what I'm saying. How did you meet him? I was an extra on a Roger Corman film, and he was playing an alien. So when I agreed to go out with him, I knew he was a midget, but I had no idea what he looked like, because he always had prosthetics on. But I remember it was a long day at work, and afterward I was in the parking lot and I heard him say [makes funny voice], "Kathy?" And I turned around and there he was.
His name was Larry Stein, and I will never forget him. We went out like three times, and here's the thing: I didn't stop seeing him because he was a midget. I stopped seeing him because he was cheap! I mean really, really cheap. He took me to Denny's and stuff. Oh, god, and then my parents met him, and it was horrible! My father opened the door and there he was. And I'm not even kidding: My father said, "She said you'd be taller." He was like trying to make a joke, but it was horrible.
Then later, after being criticized by that stylist who said your body was "challenging" and that you were no Uma Thurman, you address the camera and say you aren't entirely convinced dwarfism doesn't run in the family.
Well I swear to god, I'm getting shorter! I lose about an inch a year, so I should start taking those Lauren Hutton pills. But anyway, I just have these short legs and it's the bane of my existence. Whenever I get a new pair of pants, they have to be hemmed like two feet!
You mentioned your dad. A lot of people who've seen you do standup have probably thought, "What do her parents think of her saying all this stuff?" Not only are your parents regulars on your series, but they are such characters -- and so damn funny, they almost steal the show. I have one word: spinoff.
They very well could get a spinoff -- especially after that hilarious scene later in the series, when you catch them drinking wine before ...
Oh! And they have no idea that they're alcoholics, by the way. [Laughing.] It's true! They have no clue. And I'm 100 percent Irish, so everyone's alcoholic in my family, but my parents are so. ... Let's put it this way. My parents will come over to my house and easily polish off four bottles of wine between them in like, an hour and a half. And then I'll go, "Jesus Christ, you guys, who's the designated driver?"
And my mom will say [mimics mom's accent], "Oh, you're so dramatic, Kathleen! Look at the aaaact-ress with her draaaa-ma!" [Laughs.] And I'll be going, "No, you guys are like, fucking 90 and you just drank four bottles of wine!" And they'll be like, "Oh, we did not!" And I'll show them the empty bottles, and they'll say, "Oh -- well, see, the dog knocked over one of them."
[Laughing.] There is one scene where your parents are alone in your house and they're having a ball together, drinking wine. Then you come in and you say, "Hey, where'd the wine come from? It's only four o'clock!" And they both get nervous and say, "Really? Oh my god! We thought it was five!" And you say, "Do you want to put it back, then?" and they say, "Well -- no." Now, they knew they were being filmed and that you'd eventually see it, right?
Well, the funny thing about my parents is that they really are the kind of people who say, "It's five o'clock somewhere!" Now see, I don't live with them, so I don't know what time they start hittin' the sauce, but I do know that it's getting earlier as they get older.
When I was younger, I was worried about their drinking, thinking about their health problems. But you know what? They're fucking 90! And look at them! So it doesn't seem to be having any impact on them healthwise. Oh, but wait. You know the best part about my parents?
I got them a condo in West Hollywood. They said they wanted to live with the gays because the gays are clean. That's their expression: "Well, the gays are so goddamned clean!" But it gets even better. They go to the Pride Fest every year. For the food! I'm like, "Wait a minute, mom and dad -- you guys actually went to Pride Fest?" And they're like, "Kathy, the food at Pride Fest is delicious!!" And now they're into indie gay films. Like, my parents would never go see "War of the Worlds." Instead they see all these gay films, but just because their condo is close to the Independent Theater. They'll come over and say, "We saw the greatest movie about these two guys, and the parents didn't want the one guy to be gay, and then ..." And I'm like, "Geez, you guys!"
Everyone knows you're a huge fan of reality television, and there are so many on the air now. But have you seen the Whitney and Bobby one?
I. Love. Every. Moment! I call it "Meet the McCrackersons," because it's like a cracked-out "Ozzie and Harriet." It's like watching that show "America Undercover," or an episode of "Frontline" where they just go directly into a crackhouse. I mean, who knew they were more nuts than what we've already seen? And I love it when they can't even remember their daughter's name. They're like, "Be quiet, um, May ... um, Lin ... um, I mean ...our daughter!" And the poor thing. You know she's stuffing all her feelings with food, and that's gotta kill Whitney. Although -- as beautiful as Whitney is, she is now officially Dionne Warwicke. It's unbelievable how much they now look so identical.
You're right!
Like when she wears her visor, you could swear Dionne is making a guest appearance. And they never used to look alike at all. But you know what else? There are some moments on that show where I really feel for Whitney, you know? She's clearly in the throes of drug addiction. I am just such a fan of hers, and I think about how she used to be our generation's Streisand.
And it's not like that was 20 years ago -- she was fine up until about five years ago, you know? Whitney has run with heads of state, with kings. And now, all she wants to do is hole up in the Hyatt in Atlanta and let her husband beat her up and do drugs. And he will always be in her shadow, and he will never want her to leave that addiction.
I'm sure that whenever she has her rehab, I'm sure he's always trying to bring her back to the dark side, and yet she is the worst person on the planet for him because he'll never feel like a big man around her, and you can tell that his whole thing is that he needs to feel like a big man. So I find it touching in a lot of ways, and on the other hand I cannot take my eyes off it. I mean, I'm having a party tonight! The gays are coming over just to watch it.
Written by Jenny Stewart, Originally published on Planetout.com and Gay.com
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